What if I have made a mess of everything?

Yeshua is not afraid to get His hands dirty!

       Earlier I alluded to dabbling in something that blocked me spiritually, (remember… when my rent was two months late) and I said I’d tell you about it later. Well, here we go. When I first set out to answer the call on my life in the area of suicide prevention, I had quite a few people tell me that I was entering into a very dark spiritual area. On top of that, I had made some amazing divine connections with people who have been instrumental in my spiritual growth over the years.

       Consequently, it was not surprising when I met a lady who said she was trained and experienced in spiritual warfare. Therefore, I did not question it when she told me that I would need to know what she knew since I would be working in the area of suicide. I did not bring it to Yahweh and ask His opinion on the matter. Big mistake. Huge. It is always important to ask the Holy Spirit for discernment when aligning ourselves with people, especially when they insist that they have something they believe they need to teach us!

       At first, she used the Scripture and spiritual terms to slowly deceive me. I did not realize she was taking the Word out of context and twisting it to make it say what she wanted it to say. I have since found out that many people do this even in church doctrine and leadership. They act as though they are doing work for the Lord, and they may actually 100% believe that they are and may be deceived themselves. That is why we always line everything up with the original Word of God (not just any translation) and get confirmation from the Holy Spirit ourselves! Yeshua even talks about this in Matthew 7:22-23,

He said, “Many will say to Me in that day, ‘Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in Your name, cast out demons in Your name, and done many wonders in Your name?’ And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you, depart from Me.’”

      That is why it is important to know Him, know His voice, seek His face daily, and line everything up with His word! When we feel a “check in our spirit” as my mom always called it, we must listen and take heed!!

Side Note: VERY IMPORTANT! It is best when we can find the original text in Hebrew or Aramaic and find trustworthy translations directly to English when we are defining important theological foundational beliefs. That is not always easy to find, but I do strongly encourage you on your journey of finding truth, to search from the original text, the best you can! Many translations have deleted scriptures out of the original text, or translated them in such a way to support a certain doctrine or theology that Yahweh did not intend. In fact, Revelation 22:18 seriously warns us about not adding or taking away from scripture! It is a HUGE deal! 

       As it turns out the “spiritual warfare” this lady wanted me to do with her was not doing the work of the Lord so much as it was communicating with dark forces. What was weird about this was that I felt obligated to go through with it, like I didn’t have a choice (something I should have paid attention to). Every time she would call, I was immediately irritated, and talking to her was very frustrating (another sign I should have listened to). Our spirits clashed very strongly. 

       Long story short my best friend, Amber, met with her and learned everything. Not long after their meeting, Amber sat me down privately and explained that what this lady was doing was witchcraft and she felt the Lord tell me to get away from her. It took massive courage for Amber to tell me this, because when she first mentioned it to me over the phone, I was so prideful and reassured her that I would never be a part of witchcraft. This is embarrassing to share with you guys, but I felt very strongly the Lord wanted me to share this to help someone that may have been in the same boat. I honestly believed that I was so far along in my relationship with the Lord that I could not be deceived. That thought is so comical to me now. Never assume, test the spirits, the Word says! Pride comes before a fall! (Proverbs 16:18)

       I finally saw clearly. It felt like I had been walking around in this massive fog that was so heavy and distorted, and then the clouds parted, and I could finally see! Instead of feeling totally awful about myself, and completely stupid, I felt a breakthrough and huge weight lifted.

      Amber comforted me and so did my Heavenly Father. Please do not get me wrong. I most certainly had a moment of “you idiot, you know better”, because I tend to beat myself up a lot. However, the mercy of my Father made me completely undone!

       I am so thankful for what a precious friend I have in Amber to care enough about me to have that tough conversation with me, no matter what the consequences could have been. She cared about me so much so that she was willing to risk me being angry with her. My Father helped me see that in her and he removed the scales from my eyes! (Acts 9:18)

       My Abba Father was so precious, y’all! Driving away from Amber that day, I cried out to Him in repentance and felt His sweet hand of forgiveness comfort me. I had suffered the consequences of my actions by my rent being late (not as a punishment, I want to make that clear) and worst of all a distance from God. He was not distant from me… I was distant from Him. The worst part was I did not even realize it! I wish I could adequately describe what it felt like for my precious Heavenly Father to comfort me in that moment. It was beyond anything I had ever felt before.

       Something took place when Amber and I sat down with that lady together that I want to point out. She had said some things that were a clear red flag that blew up in Amber’s spirit, and I did not even hear her say it. I was sitting right next to her and did not hear her say it! It reminded me of a quote from an amazing book by C.S. Lewis called The Screw Tape Letters, where he speaks from the demon’s perspective.“It is funny how mortals always picture us as putting things into their minds: in reality our best work is done by keeping things out.” So many times, this quote has rung true for things that have happened in my life.

        Yes, I did not ask Yahweh before working with this lady. Yes, I opened a door and allowed these things to come in. I paid the consequences for my actions. Still, He lovingly came into the mess I made and pulled me out. Not only that, but He helped me clean up the mess that I had made. It was the very next day after my breakthrough that more than enough money came in to pay my past due rent and the next month’s rent.

       With all of this said, I want to make it clear that this was specific to my life. Not always is it something that we did wrong when things do not seem to be going according to plan. There are many other factors that could be at play concerning your situation feeling like it is on hold, or what have you. The entire point of this chapter is to point out that Yeshua is not afraid of getting His hands dirty and can not only save you from a mess you may have indeed made, but help you clean it up anyway. Another point is the precious grace, mercy and forgiveness even when you may have done something that you knew better than to do. Again, look at King David, total screwup, but a man after God’s own heart. Why? Because he was quick to repent and praise through the pain!

       As you have read (and will continue to read) in this book Yahweh has made promises to me that took a while to fulfill. He started stretching my faith when He told me to stop working for income, then our trip to NYC that will you read about in the Our Joy Brings Him Joy chapter, then with EXCEL, then He promised me a house, of which you will read about soon. There is a learning, growing, and stretching process within the waiting period of these promises. It’s not just that you wait, but you wait and see everything around you looks contrary to what He promised. I have heard folks say, “If it isn’t going to plan then maybe you did not hear God right.” Well, to that I would say, “get behind me Satan!” It was Satan who said to Eve, "Did God really say?". I have learned from real life experiences quite the opposite to be true, as have many other believers that I know as well.       

       If things are not going according to plan, do not just assume you did something wrong! There is to be no shame or condemnation taken from anything in this book! So, if at any point of you reading this book you feel shame or guilt, please know that is not my intention and bring it to your Heavenly Father and let Him heal that place in your heart or soul where the enemy is trying to trigger your trauma. On that note…