Let's Talk About Trauma

What we don't need in the midst of struggle is shame for being HUMAN! -  Brené Brown

       As a graduate student of clinical mental health counseling, I have learned that I see through a trauma lens when it comes to mental health. No matter the size, we have all had trauma in our lives. Even if you believe it does not “bother” you right now, any wounds caused by those you love are engraved on your soul until you deal with them. They not only effect your everyday life without you noticing it, but they also dictate your actions and reactions outside of your control.

      I have been a compartmentalizer all my life. So many people have said to me, “You’re so strong. You have been through so much and look all that you have overcome.” Well, most of the time, when I am alone, I do not feel strong.

       It turns out I was not “overcoming” these traumas in my life; I was just shoving them down just to have them pop up when something triggered them. For as long as I can remember I have avoided feeling emotional pain at all costs. This includes when a thought or feeling pops up I ignore it, when a movie or video makes me feel something I stop watching, or a song comes on that reminds me of the pain I have felt, I turn it off. Not only that, but I have avoided relationships all together as to stick to the unspoken vow I made to myself to “never feel that way ever again.” However, what that did was create compounded trauma, stacking one on top of the other until they were all piled up so high, just waiting to explode out of me.

       This also kept me from being vulnerable with those that I love. When my husband would not choose me over something else, I shut him out. There was this innate need in me to reject others before they could reject me. If anyone showed signs that they did not want me then I immediately did not want them. This was not something that I could help or control, it was an automatic trauma response from the pain and rejection I experienced in my youth.

       Brené Brown said in her book Rising Strong, “Of all the things trauma takes away from us, the worst is our willingness, or even our ability, to be vulnerable. There is a reclaiming that has to happen.” This was it, my ability to be vulnerable was gone. That is why I am doing the work in counseling to get it back.

       After a year, or so, of counseling I learned that I have dissociative amnesia. I found out from multiple family members that there were memories they had regarding situations in my personal life, but I had no recollection of them, and I was there. It turns out that, in order to protect you, there are certain traumas of which your brain chooses not to log a memory. However, just because you cannot remember it, that does not mean it does not still affect you. It left a wound that needs healing. Brené once said, “Pain will subside only when we acknowledge and care for it.”

       I quote Brené quite often because she has done her research for many years and has great insight to the world of trauma, shame, guilt, vulnerability and healing. Which are all topics that coincide with suicide prevention. I highly suggest that you look her up and listen to her talks and read her books for yourself! Just hearing someone else describe how I have felt or things that I have seen in my own life helps me to not feel so alone in this.

       Trauma is a universal issue that needs to be dealt with in every single human being. This is just a side effect of living in a fallen world. Yeshua says in John 16:33 that we will have trials in this world, but to be of good cheer, because He has already overcome the world. There is hope of healing because of the sacrifice Yeshua made on the cross for us! It was prophesied back in Isaiah 53:4-5 and fulfilled in Matthew 8:17 that He bore our griefs and carried our sorrows. 1 Peter 5:7 instructs us to cast all our anxiety and cares on Him because He cares for us.

       I believe that it is with the help of the Holy Spirit, who is our Wonderful Counselor, and a licensed counselor (or therapist) that healing, and change are able to occur. I cannot stress enough that the counselor you work with must be properly educated and licensed and even then, ask the Holy Spirit to guide you to the right one. 

       I have been through three! All helped and have their specialties, but you need to find the right fit for you! There are many great counselors/therapists out there, but there is one that is right for you. While the counsel must line up with the Word, it must also line up ethically as well. I cannot stress it enough that just because someone gives "counsel" that seems to line up with the Word, it may not actually be ethically sound.